Today I Worry

It’s scary when your constantly learning about how the mind can have lasting effects of abuse. My mother ,who I strongly believe is schizophrenic, let her mental illness take over to the detriment of her own kids. Me being 25 I worry what if my past abuse comes back to haunt me and one day I snap and become someone different. Fun fact the typical schizophrenic break happens to women at 26. What if I become her. I couldn’t imagine being stuck in my own head like that.

A night just like any other…..

As I sit here on the couch trying to sleep my mind keeps racing. It is not a good pain day and so physically I am fighting to keep moving. Mentally though I am conflicted and hurt. It is hard to be vulnerable especially when you have been broken and hurt so much in the past. This weekend I ran into someone I love and care deeply for. Seeing and hugging him instantly brought me back to how I felt about him before. He was someone who went through hell with me. He is someone who because he is broken himself gets it. We were best of friends, lovers, and each other’s rock. Life has a way of getting in the way though. So I sit here exposing my life so that others may find strength and go on.